You’ve never slept well. Me neither.
Maybe one evening, you try to be good. Switch all the screens off and chill the heck out, and commit yourself to a good early night. Maybe half past ten.
…And you’re wide awake by three.
Trying to get back to sleep? It’s like holding down a spring. A huge, powerful, very insistent spring, like the kind in a car suspension. Your mind knows all too well that there’s stuff you need to make. Like, right now. At three in the morning. Grunting, hateful, you crawl downstairs for coffee. And so it goes.
There’s a frantic mental energy in us. If you don’t get busy and make something, it’ll come knocking. It’ll knock harder, and harder, until you let it out. It tends to happen every day, and it tends to take over when it comes. Nothing else really matters all that much, until the words are down or the brush is in hand, or the statue’s peering out from that stone.
Strange? Of course it is. Most people really aren’t wired this way. From an outside perspective, it might look like madness. But what do you care? You’ve got things to create. And it really won’t wait until you feel like it.
My advice is: go with it. If you’re up all night to sift through your mind, so be it. It’s the day job that should suffer – not your ideas.
Write those words that are gnawing at you. Paint what’s swirling in your soul. Carve it out or stitch it together, or play it all out on the strings. God knows, you can’t explain it in conversation. It has to grow, to explain itself.
It’s not some strange burden, this obsession to create things. You’re wrangling with a constellation. When you grasp it, and act on it, it’s a joy. If it comes along at three in the morning, so be it. That’s when you’re obliged to act.
Maybe some people think obsession’s unhealthy. For you and me though? It’s a blessing. It’s the greatest tool there is.