Who knows how to work techmology then?

I moved to the country about a month ago, because I don’t like living in towns. There’s less risk of me being run over here — a thought that often preys on my mind, ever since I was diagnosed with chronic fecklessness.

Such cack-handed bemusement extends to many of the technological aspects of modern living. Take my ebook for example, Tales of the Strange and Grim. The stories are done, the book’s on Amazon, but it currently lacks a working contents page. This relies on links and tags working properly, the intricacies of which currently escape me (but return periodically to startle me and send me fleeing back to my cave). I’m trying to fix this as quickly as I can, but it’s a bit like giving a starving lemur a tin of peaches and a can opener. The want and the need and the tools are there, but I’m fucked if I know what to do about it.

My Windows 8 and my Internet Explorer 9 are apparently too new to handle the contents creator of an older program by the name of MobiPocket, which I used to upload my ebook to Amazon. I believe I need to replace my new Explorer with an older, crappier one. But doing so doesn’t seem to work. If anyone can shed light on this predicament, your chirp-uppery would be very much appreciated.

I’ve tried repeatedly to fix this, but Windows hates me. I’ve tinkered with it and tried to persuade it. I’ve cried softly to it and yelled at it in a fit of rage. But to avail. My laptop sits high and mighty and confusing on my desk, a glowy-screened testament to technology’s mastery of my feeble human mind. Nightly I give up and crawl to the far corner of the room to rock back and forth with teary eyes and confused wails.

But I shall not give in. I shall fight it on the desk, I shall fight it on the landing. I shall fight in the kitchen, and in the street. I shall never surrender. So back to Google and Youtube I go, armed with the knowledge that someday, at some far distant point, I’m going to make technology my bitch.

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